8 Qualities to Look for in a Mentor

“A mentor is someone with a willingness to help others, who has a capacity to inspire, a determination to work hard, a clear sense of vision, an inspiring purpose, a deep sense of integrity and an appreciation for joy.”

- Kerry Kennedy

Leading is hard. It can often feel lonely. There is great joy when things are going well. But when facing a challenge, it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.

A mentor can be a great resource for helping you find the way forward.

Finding the right mentor can be tricky. People will always want to help. In choosing a mentor, you want someone who has the ability and capacity to be with you when you are achieving your goals and when times are tough.

Here are a few things to look for when considering someone as a mentor.

A good mentor will:

1. Listen with attention and ask good questions. To be helpful to you, a mentor needs to gain a clear picture of what is most important to you. If they can’t grasp your vision, they can’t possibly be on this journey with you. They never tell you what you “should” be doing. Or say, “If I were you, this is what I would do.” Your mentor is not you. They cannot see the world as you do but they can listen to what is most important to you and help you stay on that path.

2. Offer perspective. When you are facing uncertainty, it’s because you don’t know the outcome of a decision you need to make. If you were certain, you would just do it. Because they are not you, a mentor can see things from a different perspective. They help you think through what might happen if you take a step. They are not there to guarantee an outcome, but to help you consider the possibilities.

3. Keep you from getting into situations that will cause you undue stress. When facing uncertainty, it can be tempting to jump into a “quick-fix” solution. But if that path does not get you where you want to go, a good mentor will stick with you in the chaos and encourage you to be patient until a better alternative comes along. The worst type of mentor will encourage you to get into something risky, especially if they can benefit from it in some way. You want a mentor who considers your well-being and helps guide you towards the path that holds truth and meaning to you.

4. Encourage you to go outside your comfort zone. Leading a business is a series of challenges, and the way through those challenges often requires you to go outside your comfort zone. A good mentor recognizes when you are holding yourself back. They believe in you and what you can accomplish. If your mentor doesn’t believe in you, they might want you to play it safe. There’s a difference between going outside your comfort zone and taking a risk that’s too great. A good mentor knows the difference between the two.

5. Will not always agree with you. They are willing to have hard conversations with you. This is gold!!! If you find someone who you know has listened to you, understands where you want to go, and is willing to share their perspective on how your plan might unfold — it’s invaluable. If you choose a mentor because they think all of your ideas are great and don’t question you, then you’ve picked a cheerleader instead of a mentor. It’s nice to have a person that cheers you on — but a mentor has the courage and vision to challenge you by not always saying “yes.”

6. Ultimately accept your decisions and support you on your journey no matter what. Even if your mentor does not agree with your path, they will support you if you are not harming yourself or others. If your plan works out, they will celebrate with you and freely congratulate you for having the courage to follow your intuition. And if it doesn’t work out, they don’t tell you “I told you so.” They quietly sit with you until you are ready to start again.

7. Hold your conversations in confidence. Above all else, a mentor is someone you can trust completely. They know the conversations you are having are important to you. They recognize that this is your story and you are the only person with the right to share it. It can be easy to pick a friend as your mentor, but if they will share your story with the rest of your friends, you might want to pick someone else.

8. Know when it’s time for you to find your next mentor. Owning a business is a journey. A great mentor can get you to a certain point and then realize when it’s time for you to find someone else to take you to the next level.

Everyone needs someone they can share their journey with and a great mentor can make all the difference in times of chaos and uncertainty. Mentors can come from a variety of sources: coaches, consultants, friends, colleagues, peers, relatives, former teachers or employers.

Think about someone you know who has all of these qualities. And don’t be afraid to reach out. Being someone’s mentor is fulfilling work that can often give as much to the mentor as the person being mentored. Make a list of some people who come to mind.

Then review the qualities above. Go with our gut.

Once you find the “right” mentor, you will have your strongest ally in achieving your dreams.